In life God doesn't give you the people you want. Instead, He gives you the people you need. To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and to make you exactly who you are meant to be. I love that quote.
So maybe, through this difficult portion of my life, I will learn to trust fewer people but trust more, love fewer people but love more, and be grateful for the people I have in my life. Maybe I'll learn that things are not always what they seem, that words can get in the way of how I really feel, that the most important things in life aren't things, and, that I deserve respect and support from my friends just as much as the next guy. That I should have the opportunity to be myself, no questions asked. Maybe I'll learn to just let go.
Maybe...
For now I am still flying outside the merry-go-round, gripping my fingers around the bar, white-knuckled, clinging to the past I once loved and felt safe in, afraid to let go and see what the future has in store for me. Maybe I'll land in the sand, unscathed, a little dirty, but capable of picking myself up and brushing off the dust. Maybe it will be the ground, hard and spongy at the same time, a little more damaging, a few bumps and bruises, but no open wounds. I'll get up and walk the soreness off, and remember how much it hurt and not go back. Even still, I could land hard on the concrete. Scrape my body up, bleed, and cry in pain. But even in the worst case, even with open wounds for everyone to see, wounds heal. In time, everything heals. I've started to let the grip slip just a bit, and reluctantly but obviously take steps forward. But this I know for sure: even without landing on the concrete, the scars of this moment in my life will last forever. And those scars will be a blessing and a curse. A blessing in showing me I had the courage to let go, but a curse in reminding me what I had to let go of.
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