Changes

I have to work nights now. Choir is out of the picture. Having a normal life is also out of the picture. Seeing my family and friends on a regular basis is out of the picture. How am I going to diet and lose weight working nights? Yes, I understand, working OT and getting 12% is great, especially around the holidays, I understand the logic of everything. I understand I should be grateful I still have a job, and to some degree I am. On the flip side, if I got let go, I'd at least be able to collect unemployment while looking for something else. I would've had to move into an apartment, but still. At least I'd be able to live normally. Maybe I'm just tired and emotional because the man I thought I was 'seeing' was having a monogamous relationship with someone else and I was just someone on the side. That set me up to be a weepy mess tonight, which I understand. I had a feeling he was seeing someone else anyway, but to have him tell me ON FACEBOOK no less really messed with my head. Sometimes I hate my generation. How hard is it to call me? I am just angry, sad, confused, overwhelmed, and tired. I'm tired of my life. I need a break.

Born to travel

I've always known I've loved to travel. I hate flying, but I love going new places. Taking pictures, meeting new people, learning new things, visiting the world. Life is short, and we only live once, and I am going to Ireland next year. Me, myself and I are going to stay for about a week in Dublin with my money that I get back from taxes. I'm trying to embrace being single and love my life anyway, because who knows when my path is going to have me meet the man I'm supposed to marry? Only God does, and I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do. I want to go the first week in January, I just won't have the money by then. Part of me wonders if I should sell half my stuff, move into a small apartment and save money up to move to Denver. Most of me knows that going to Ireland instead of paying bills isn't exactly the most responsible thing to do. However, bills will always be there, and I will not always be single and free to do what I please. Embracing that means following my heart, and my heart is leading me to travel. I wish I had a lot of money that would let me travel all over for a year without working. But that's impractical. So, for a week at a time out of the year, I will live my life to the best of my ability, and take advantage of the travel opportunities that are presented to me. It'd be cheaper if I could stay with someone in Ireland, but I don't know anyone there except Dave, and that certainly wouldn't go over well. Besides, not knowing anyone is part of the excitement. The more I think about it the more excited I get, and anxious.

In a perfect world, I would quit this job, work somewhere that I enjoyed, maybe making less money but happier with my day to day life. Sell the house, live in an apartment, sell some of my things I don't use, and save money. Move somewhere. Find work. I just don't want to be here anymore. I love my family and my friends, and I'd miss them, but most people I talk to who are older say, when I look back at my life I regret the things I didn't do. I don't want to be one of those people. I want to experience my dreams, starting with Ireland 2010.