Dreams

I live in a fantasy world. I get that. I don't want to face the sadness of my reality, so I live my life in my head pretending to be someone else, pretending I look differently than I do, pretending constantly. Every time I lay my head down to fall asleep, instead of praying, I dream of being someone else, somewhere else, enjoying life. Just now, at work, I had an image of me, sitting somewhere in Ireland, surrounded by green, writing about my experiences there. I want that to be real. I want it to be more than a dream. More than visiting there, I want to go there and stay there. But for now, small dreams. Starting with a visit is good. My heart is heavy, and I long for travel. I knew I enjoyed traveling, but I didn't realize how much I would long for it until I hadn't in a while. My last trip was May of '08. Its been a year and a half since I've left Bellevue, Nebraska and its way past due. Some people are telling me to travel somewhere closer. Go back to NYC, which I love. Go somewhere warm. Visit Florida. California. Arizona. I don't want to go to those places. Eventually, maybe. I've been to all of them except Arizona. I want Ireland. I'm not saying it is going to give me purpose, or help me find who I am, or be a magic answer to all of life's unanswered questions. What I do know, is that it will be one dream I have that can become a reality. And when you live your life pretending, dreaming, making any of them a reality is an incredible opportunity. This dream is in my power to make come true. I don't know why I'm writing this right now. I'm fading at work, and I hadn't written in a while. I'm craving change. And the longer I go without leaving, the worse it gets.