Apartment

New blog...

I've been blogging lately at wordpress.com. The link is http://rebeccamh.wordpress.com/

Creativity

When I was young, my parents always encouraged me to use my imagination. To be creative. That little pink crayon and perforated sheet of printer paper my dad brought home from work was my paint and easel. I might’ve gotten carried away with a Sharpie on my brand new wall-papered room, but that’s another story for another time. In any case, those scribbled lines I drew were comparable to Da Vinci himself! At least, that’s how my parents made me feel. They were always encouraging me. What? You’re three but you want to read what your six-year-old brother reads? Go ahead, give it a shot! You wanna try cheerleading? Sure. You wanna go to your friend’s house and sleep over? Of course you can. You wanna cover the driveway with chalk? Have at it kid! Lemonade stand? Here, let me help you make the sign.

What happened to all of that? To being creative, and using the imagination. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who still do that, and I say kudos to you. We live in a world that puts people into boxes, and label them with permanent maker. Telemarketer. Accountant. Prostitute. Sinner. Drug Dealer. Bank Teller. And we feel stuck in those positions because the world isn’t very good at igniting creativity.

Sure, the world is full of really awesome commercials, (especially apple, why is that?) that shows how creative THOSE people are, but what do they do to ignite others to dig into their own internal creativity? Not much. Its a sad thing too. I used to be creative through music. I played 13 instruments. Now I play the piano, occasionally when I visit my parents. I write still, but it’s shoddy at best. I take pictures too, and I’m decent with that as well but I have a LOT to learn. I’m tied to a computer 12 hours a night, 3, 4, sometimes 5, 6 nights a week. But, I’m always hearing music in my head (August Rush, as of late) and I’m always thinking. Wondering what I could be if I just pushed myself beyond the boundaries I have so carefully built up around me. Its a scary thing, because knocking down those walls will open up the opportunity to be hurt, to be criticized, to be laughed at, to be all of those things I’ve been mortified of since I was the kid everyone picked on at school so many years ago. Things like that leave their mark, no matter how much time has gone by. But slowly, hopefully I’ll be able to remove the wall I’ve built. One brick at a time. Because I believe I, like you, and everyone else, has an immeasurable amount of creativity, and the only thing in the way are the walls we’ve built. Sure, we’ve kept the bad stuff out, but we’ve kept the amazing stuff in too. It’s time to let the amazing stuff out.

Wow

It's been a while hasn't it! well, it's May 16th. Tonight is my last night of work until Friday, and I guess the old gang is going out Wednesday morning after our shift for a green beer for St. Patrick's day. That should actually be a really great time - good people.

Exciting things in the past month:
Moved into my apartment and got 2 months rent free
Worked lots of OT so extra cash is nice
Went to the ER due to the move into the apartment (I'm fine)
A day of prayer from SCL (www.stuffchristianslike.net)
My brother and I are speaking again
Boondock Saints the original in theaters with Dottie
My mom reached her weight loss goal and looks absolutely incredible

Exciting things coming up:
3/25 - 3/29: GETTYSBURG!!! Meet the cast of PRS, hang with some cool people, learn some things and explore the history of the area. So excited.
4/15 - 4/18: State College, PA!! Open House with Father Bob, Ryan, and a lecture from Serg and Josh. I'm spoiling myself with all this travel, but I'm single, without kids. I'm going to live it up.
4/18 Evening: Sing Omaha concert. Dr. Stroope is coming and I'm going to be able to go to the show to see my old friends and Dr. Stroope. VERY exciting stuff.
Sometime after things slow down, I'm going to North Platte to visit an old friend.
6/15: My birthday! The big 2-5.
6/24 - 6/28: Georgia! PISCA event, hang with Jay, Scott and meet up with Tina for a weekend of camping, stories and keeping a look-out for Big Foot. Hehehe
Sometime in October is Scarefest, and I'm absolutely going to that also.

I will of course add more as they fill in but I have a LOT to be looking forward to. I am also working a TON of overtime, but again, the money is good and helping me be able to afford all this travel.

I have a lot to talk about, serious things, sad things, confusing things, but for now, for this moment, I'm going to revel in all the wonderful things going on in my life. I love my apartment, even with half-unpacked boxes and laundry lying around. Being closer to work is going to save me a TON on gas money. I'm still working on my relationship with God, but its getting closer, and those closest to me have acknowledged that even if they don't believe what I do, they love and support me anyway. That's helpful. I'm thinking about going back to school...again. I'm looking for a new place of employment, still. I miss a few of my friends - Bethany, Tiffany, Dottie, my sister-in-law, I never see them enough. I'm always working OT so I never know when I'll have a free day. I should put in more of an effort to put my foot down with my boss. Lately it has felt like I live in the First Data Command Center in Omaha. I have stalled out with losing weight, after 25 lbs. I can't say I've been trying, what with the mono, strep, infections, then packing and moving, it wasn't on my list of priorities. I'd like to get back to it.

Even with all that, my life is pretty amazing.

Change

Looks like I'll be living in my own apartment here in about 2 days. I'd say half my stuff is at the apt and half is still at the house. I wish I had a truck. I'll be renting a U-Haul on Thursday and hoping that Jon will help me move things. The big stuff (tv, couches, bed) are the ones that i need the most at the apt, and the hardest to move. GAH! I'm sick of living out of two places!

Its Wednesday

So - I had a job interview last week. For a position in Hagerstown, Maryland. I'm pretty excited about it, and I hope that I get it. For numerous reasons, one being that its somewhere new, and I need new. Two, that its on the east coast, which I love. It is rich in history. Three, I'll be independent. If I don't get the job in Maryland, I'll be moving into an apartment close to work, and have my parents sell or rent the house out or do whatever it is they want to do. I'll pay my own rent and my own bills and everything. Car insurance, utilities, all of it. I'll be a little tight on expenses for a while, but I don't care, because I'm tired of being dependent on my parents. I love them for it, but I'm 24 years old. I should be able to make it on my own. My brother is currently not speaking to me because I refused to move in with his wife while he is away in grad school. The deciding factor for me, more than anything else, was that I didn't want to be the fixer anymore. The convenient excuse was that I love and adore my kitties and I would have to get rid of them because of their dog Koda. My brother argued with me, saying that I was considering getting rid of the cats before (which I was, a year ago, right after Kris and I broke up, b/c we got them together) and when I told him that I wasn't going to do it, he hung up on me. That was January 30th. It is now February 17th, and the communication we have had since the 30th was yesterday. It went like this. Him: "Do you have a cell for Pete B? Need him to bid some repair work at home." Me: "Yeah. 402-555-5555" Him: "Thanks" Me: "You're welcome." That's it. All business. I talk with his wife more than him. It hurts, but I'm not going to be submissive to him anymore. He needs to apologize to me before things will get better, and if he doesn't, well, I guess some siblings don't get along in life. Maybe we're not meant to either. I know it hurts my family that we fight but, they are always telling me to stick up for myself and do what I need to do for me so, this is what it takes.

Change

Life is crazy isn't it? I miss God in my life. It's my fault I don't spend as much time with Him as I should. I hate my job - I hate working nights and missing time with my family. I hate that I waste money on things that I really don't need. I hate that I am always the one to give of myself and when I choose to finally take a stand, I'm punished for it by the ones closest to me. I've been sick, since Christmas, and I hate that I can't get better. It is so easy to complain. I complain here because, I have no one who will just let me complain, and get it out. I feel like I am always the strong one, the one who has to have it together all the time. The fixer. I feel like if something is wrong in my friend's life or my family's life that I should be the one to make it right, and that just is not the case. A wise man told me that I need to start being selfish, and take care of myself too. My father told me I had to stop living my life doing what everyone else wanted me to do. I wept. That's been my entire life. I have spent my whole life trying to make everyone else happy. I don't even know what would make me happy because I haven't take the time to stop and think about it. I know writing, taking pictures, and music make me happy. I don't know what that means for me, but its a start I suppose. I know Pete makes me happy, but he's my friend, and it appears he always will be. Just my friend. I'm ok with that. I long to be a wife and mother. I believe I'd be a good mom. I just don't know what to do right now to make myself happy. I'm looking for a new job. That's my start. Praying and reading the Bible would probably help too. I'm just sad in general. There are things in my life that make me happy, but mostly, I'm just sad.